mushroomsugar:

*writes “like” on a cigarette and puts it in my mouth*

It’s a simile.

thesassycat:

what if all the scenerios we make up in our head are actually real events happening in an alternative universe and we’re actually connecting with our alternate self’s mind

We’re just friends.
She is, I’m not.

artichokehold:

falling asleep is so easy i could do it with my eyes closed

themaebee:

Doctor Who meme | undernoticed quotes | (1/?) | The God Complex

“I’d forgotten not all victories are about saving the universe”

That line.

fangpants:

Why do dudes always wanna know your bra size tho, what are they gonna do, buy you bras?? Cause that would be very helpful bras cost a lot of money i would save a fortune

proctalgia:

i love when dogs sigh. its like, hey bud, long day at the office?

Everyone knows how to talk, and no one knows what to say.
Nick Hornby, A Long Way Down (via sweatersnervously);
Season 7 of Hannibal: Hannibal Lecter has successfully framed every character on the show except himself. Jack brings Winston in for questioning.

part-time-stripper:

why am i so shit at parties and socializing and all this why is it so hard for me to talk to and act normal around people i hate my useless self so much

gloriouslyburdenedloki:

Best reaction ever. 

@theme